…a few of my favorite things

Falafel sandwiches here are different than I’ve come to know to the (ahem) south and in the US. I’ve had at least six such meals since I’ve arrived, and will probably have a couple more before I’m gone. They’re a nearly perfect vegetarian snack/meal. In this country they come wrapped in a thin Lebanese pita along with tomato, tahina, pickled radishes, parsley, and mint. By request, mine come with pickled hot chiles, though they’re usually served on the side. The fritters themselves seem simpler than I’ve made and sampled in the US/Israel—they don’t taste as seasoned by garlic, onion, or spices. The accoutrements are very limited: no cucumbers, no terrible shredded iceberg lettuce, no hoomoos, no babaganouj/moutabel. They’re fried here in large, shallow, round iron vats dedicated to the task: no fries are served alongside. And a falafel stand is just that—they typically don’t serve anything else besides the choice of beverages. Still, for $1.50 on average, who would dream of complaining?

The souk (farmers’ market) here is something straight out of Europe. Every Saturday, just steps from our apartment, is a bona-fide organic market offering everything from fresh honey to knitwear to pickles to sandwiches. What is fresh honey, one might ask. The honey folks come with jars, honey in the comb, and a small hand-operated centrifuge. The honey is raw, and filtered through a strainer with only the occasional sunlight to help loosen it enough to pass through. There is labneh, a sort of goat milk yogurt/cheese that’s been rolled up into balls and dunked in the local olive oil, which will keep at room temperature. There are several women making fresh flatbreads (and sandwiches with them) of different sorts, using organic grains and age-old technique. The figs are phenomenal and only $1.33 per pound. The whole vibe is so laid-back and pleasant. Some of the prepared/preserved foods seem a bit expensive compared to local prices, but it’s striking how honest everybody is. No forgotten withheld change, no price-gouging for foreigners.

Beirut (I can’t speak to the rest of Lebanon—I haven’t been yet) challenges one’s preconceptions of Arabs. Bearded men are not spilling onto sidewalks during the call for prayer. Pizzerias offer prosciutto as a topping. I notice church bells as often as I do calls to prayer. When going out in the evening, the women dress to kill: not much different than being around a university on a Friday night. Some decent wines are produced in Lebanon, and the guidebook calls arak (an 80-proof, aniseed-flavored brandy relative) the national drink. French and English are spoken as much as is Arabic, making this an easy city to navigate as a tourist. The people, while typically so very warm and friendly, are not like many of the characters I encountered long ago in Morocco—here there is little to no badgering, begging, or cheating.

The climate here is spectacular. We live a short walk to the Mediterranean, and have the beautiful days and nights to prove it. Aside from the freak thunderstorms last week, it’s been a pretty steady 80F during the days, and perhaps 70F by night. The humidity quickly turns on my sweat glands faucets, but keeps our skin healthy. Sure, the summers get hot, but right now it’s absolutely gorgeous, and will probably remain so til Winter, when they’ll undergo a frost-free mild, but cooler winter.

getting settled

Weary-eyed and physically torn, we dragged our baggage the last hundred meters. EB pushed the dog-laden luggage cart while I alternated between

two others packed with luggage. We got to be those people with their names on a drivers’ placard. We found our driver and headed for the door. EB took the chance to walk Smuggler and clean his miserable kennel off in the shadows. I was posted just outside the sliding doors and was charged with fending off the vultures in taxi driver clothing. I swatted the scavengers away as I got into it with our driver in pantomimed French/Arabic (Frerabic?) about whether all our stuff would fit in the truck. Of course it would, thought I, after all EB’s broker had arranged it all: “I will organize the pick up car for you and will confirm (since you are a very nice client); a seven seats car would be ok?” Not so. After much deliberation, translation by phone (EB’s broker was awaken between 3:30-4:30 multiple times to deal with the consequences of his lack of foresight), we finally pushed the carts yet again to the dark corners of the parking lot where the driver had parked his compact SUV rental. Though challenging, I was in my element again fixing problems, rearranging the pieces of a puzzle to make it all fit. It took two tries, but we were finally able to pile ourselves into the car.

The broker had booked us the one hotel he could find that would accept a bribe in exchange for housing a dog for the night. I went to check in while EB tended to the dog’s needs and the driver unloaded the truck. “That is not small dog,” declared the hotel manager. I shrugged: “who told you it was a small dog? WE did not tell you that—don’t know what to tell you… could I have the key please?” And so as the hoteliers glared and the sun began to poke up, I nearly singlehandedly loaded the tiny elevator and shuttled up the four loads of luggage to the smoke-staled room. EB washed Smuggler, his crate, and herself, before I took my own turn in the war-torn bathroom. My five hours of sleep that ensued were glorious. EB’s three hours were less so, but she did the productive tasks of procuring a bed and arranging the move to the apartment.

So after a six hour break we again piled our belongings, this time into two very old Mercedes taxis. We weaved the city streets, and before we knew it, the ‘concierge’ at EB’s new apartment had lugged everything the two flights up into our spacious, marble-laden domicile. The landlord was still working on the place, and it was hardly clean. Again, the broker: “apartment is ready to move in; we called [the landlord] couple of days ago.”

No furniture, save for a mattress on the floor. Hot

water for showering, check. Fridge was operating, though beeping obnoxiously at 90-second intervals. But we were home with falafel sandwiches in hand. Full stop.

it felt like home

Airplane landings in the middle east are among my pleasant memories from childhood. As far as my history is concerned, the pilot invariably lands the plane beautifully and, assuming there are predominantly natives (of whichever religion) onboard, the applause is unanimous (and would likely be a standing ovation were that a realistic option). It’s a beautiful way to celebrate flight, and life thereafter.

Deplaning is a different story entirely. Middle easterners (again, of any religion) are anything but polite. Courteous, perhaps, if dealing with immediate family. Politeness as a concept seems to be darwinistically chewed up and spat out as chain-smoking glass-eyed toughness. I am well-accustomed to the attitude, and adjust my own when in the region. So, when push came to shove, I was (and am) not in the least embarrassed about my behavior when retrieving the last of our bags from the overhead bins. It took a moment for the animal in me to awaken, but I shoved right back, not even feigning apology.

Happily, what I imagined (at length) to be a scrutinous entry process, replete with strip search and questions about my origins and business in this very non-Jewish country (there are said to be about 100 living in the country), was as simple as a squinty-eyed comparison of me to my passport photo and the international sound for “welcome to our country”: STAMP!

We had not believed the Lebanese baggage agent when he told us Smuggler would come down the baggage carousel along with the rest of the luggage.

Until we saw (and smelled!) his kennel come through the passage. I fumbled for a snapshot before helping EB remove the kennel. People around us

were in what must have been shock: nobody moved, and I again needed to use my superhero shoving skills.

As long as this post is, it was only about 3am at this point. It would prove to be one of the most unpleasantly long days in my recent memory.

of german hospitality

As I fell asleep plugged into a saxy, airplane-supplied Branford Marsalis CD, I woke up courtesy of the captain’s PA come morning. The yogurt drink was all I dared try of the breakfast to-go offered by the flight crew. Besides, I was still working on the bag of pastries generously sent with me by my friend Nikola at Iggy’s bread.

Arrived in Frankfurt, we had a whole day to spend exploring. First stop: hot shower. It took us thirty minutes to find the well-hidden arrivals lounge, but it was a welcome place to put down our carry-drag-ons, clean up, and relax. The food was simple and welcome: perfectly-boiled eggs, olives, and soft cheeses, among others. A nearby baggage storage facility took our bags for the day as we went into town.

Note to the uninitiated: if two or more of you are going into the city for a day trip, splurge the extra euro on the Frankfurt Pass. It wasn’t even presented as an option to us, but would have saved us money later on our museum visit. We went first to the Staedel Museum and then onward to feed our grumbling stomachs. We walked down a long stretch of storefronts looking for the right place, occasionally asking the brusque locals for suggestions. We ate first at a chain-like though redeeming-looking currywurst joint, armed with an array of sausage-saucing squeeze bottles ranked from 1-10 based on the underlying chiles’ hotness. There was no redemption to the bratwurst we shared: it just wasn’t very great. Onward to greener pastures.

Wagner was our next (and final—I just can’t eat the way I used to in my youth) stop, where I started with my first taste of appelwine. Great beverage! Everything apple cider should be (and sadly usually isn’t), but without bubbles: funky, dry, acidic, appley. The meal that followed was, as a whole, good but not great. I did really enjoy the sauerkraut that came with the sausages.

Back to the airport, where we waited only a short while as we learned of our fate in Beirut and I helped myself to some bubbly.

In parting, another note to the uninitiated: if you

see a couple of sweaty folks lugging enough bags for four travelers when going through airport security, avoid that queue no matter how short it may seem. They’re going to take (and I quote from The Sandlot) for-ev-er.

new york shenaniganos

After a morning of frantic last-minutes parking my car, buying bourbon for gifts, and saying goodbye, I was short on time. I splurged for a taxi ride to the bus depot, and got to the gate within five minutes of my New York-bound bus departure.

The ride was productive and, though we got caught in traffic, was tardy by only fifteen minutes. EB shortly thereafter arrived to pick me, and what I saw was horrific.

Her huge truck was nearly exploding with her chaotically over packed bags. Whitney was riding in back among the puppy and the suitcases. It was a disaster. We spent the next few minutes repacking

and redistributing items that hadn’t fit in EB’s original packing extravaganza. It was truly a sight to see. Quickly, we crammed everything and everyone back into the Ford Expedition, this time with two additional passengers: Logan (a friend of theirs) and myself. I may have been the

only one able to fasten his seatbelt; I don’t know what EB was thinking.

Jane (the third and youngest Harper sister) heroically gathered our dinner from Shake Shack while we zigzagged uptown and Warren (their dad) laid in the street saving us a parking spot. As we shoveled in the sustenance all sorts of characters couldn’t resist lauding Smuggler: one batty woman went so far as to start munching on his fluffy ears.

Our goodbyes behind us, EB, Smuggler, and I hurried up to wait in traffic to the airport. Once there we were the TSA’s nightmare: a heavily-

loaded SUV parked for 25 minutes. Sure, we were unloading it for part of that time, but the security guy became skittish after we were through unloading and the truck remained parked as EB and I tended to the dog and the baggage. Threatened with a ticket, I first faked, and after playing all my bluffs finally actually moved the car, returning it to its rental home. By this time the security guard had down our plate number, and given his furious scribbling, must have had a good sketch of me too: “if you see something, say something.”

After some more last-minute repacking, dog-feeding, and excess baggage-paying, our bags were gone through security, with only 45 minutes left before our flight departed. We were stopped just short of boarding for our excessive carry-ons. EB handled it like a pro, declaring we were in business class, at which point they unrolled red carpet down the jet bridge for us. We were without a doubt the riffraff of business class, with dog bowls strapped to the outside of my oversized backpack, and a heavy Trader Joe’s bag full of dog toys. Through the commotion my corkscrew must have been overlooked by security—it would be nice not to have to buy a new one. All aboard and situated, we reclined our seats and promptly fell asleep.

Summer’s end, two years later

Let me begin by addressing the obvious: it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve last written. The theme being the travels of an unemployed cook, I felt it dishonest to write while I was actually working—well, that’s the easier to mutter version anyway. Back in the US, I had so much to catch up with that I just couldn’t/didn’t make the time. I’m sure I failed to cover some important aspects of my return to the states two years ago, and hope that we can all move on.

My recent time off has been fantastic. I’ve had a chance to try getting a life, to visit friends, and to get some thoughts in order. Thanks in no small part to Sarah’s help, we somehow managed to can and preserve over 100 pounds of Massachusetts’s finest fruit in advance of my departure, even with the fiasco of moving into a new place on September 1.

Which brings me to the main event: Though I remain unemployed (by choice, lest you worry), and my finances are still somewhat a mess after the latest market crash, I’ve gone boldly where no Jew in my family has gone before: Beirut, Lebanon. Serendipity hit twice this time, in rapid succession. My friend Pedja, hearing of my (temporarily) aimless attitude suggested I meet his friend, Vladimir: perhaps I could work out something with him whereby I’d fly to work in Belgrade, Serbia, for a few months, he suggested. Never one to dismiss ideas out of turn, I listened, and when I met Vladimir, the ideas became a plausible way to spend my Autumn. Fast forward to Autumn, and I have been sold on the idea of a workcation in Eastern Europe.

Meanwhile, EB, planning a move to Beirut, called and asked if I’d join and help her in the move (those of you familiar with the first part of this blog may be sensing a theme). Opportunity, again! How could I possibly resist a free flight to a country (countries, really) I’d otherwise never have the opportunity to visit? My family, of course, balked at the idea. Not an hour after casually mentioning the possibility to my cousin by phone, my parents had respectively called me to voice their concerns (and by voice their concerns, I mean yelling and fear mongering—sorry Mom and Dad, but it was). I don’t mean to paint them in a bad light: I’m their son, and they are genuinely afraid of losing me out here. I let them cool off before I calmly explained my rational take on the situation, reminded them that I’m now thirty, and of course vowed I’d be careful.

And so I booked my travel (making sure to book a return in time for Sarah’s blockbuster birthday party on the first day of winter), and the adventure is now upon us.

(Those of you out of the loop, I am already in Beirut. It’s great, and I have stories to tell. I will post them, along with photos, shortly: look for these in the days to come.)